tinder dating advice
Posted by Turning Point | Blog

Why Tinder isn’t the best way to meet and build meaningful relationships

If you’ve used the popular dating app, Tinder, in the past, you probably are aware of how demeaning the process can be. Constantly judging and being judged solely on appearances can take a toll on your self-esteem above other things. Tinder fuels the culture we live in, from one-night stands to viewing other people as literal sex objects. Below are the reasons you should avoid Tinder if you want to meet new people and build healthy relationships with them.

1. Modern Hit & Run.

The Guardian calls it the “hit-it-and-quit-it” and the “throwaway dating” culture. No matter what you call it, both men and women are using Tinder to find others who want to hook up just once and never speak again. Users also go in knowing that they’re not going to find a lasting and serious relationship. How can you build a meaningful relationship if the other person never sees you again? There’s something to be said about the benefits of guarding your heart and your body for the right person, instead of letting everyone in who makes a pass at you online. Plus, it saves you a LOT of heartbreak.

2. Acceptable Harassment.

If you’ve used Tinder before, you probably know that conversations almost never start with a “Hi, how are you?” How often do people you matched with want to know about your day, your interests, what your life is like, etc.? More often, you’re bombarded with messages asking to meet up or if you’re interested in hooking up. The first thing someone says to you is probably a creepy pick-up line or a comment that’s supposed to be a compliment.  That wouldn’t happen if you met in person. In fact, if that happened in person, you would most likely be furious at the harassment.

It seems that Tinder is a green light for disrespect and harassment. While people may not think that they’re being disrespectful, (they might actually think the exact opposite) it proves the fact that Tinder is a vehicle for viewing others as sex objects. If someone is only thinking of you as a sex object the first time you interact, what are the chances they’re going to change their mind in the future?

3. Questionable Personal Worth.

Tinder is also used for rebounding after breakups. According to The Guardian, it’s often that people who use it for this reason will find themselves in a sea of “mixed messages and rejection.” It’s no question that after getting out of a meaningful relationship and now being treated like an object, your mental health can take a serious hit.

In addition, going into Tinder knowing that someone doesn’t necessarily care about you as a person and just wants a quick hook up can leave you questioning your personal worth. Constantly being overlooked as a person who has other things to offer than sex can also perpetuate a low-self-esteem. Healthy relationships should be esteem builders, not barriers.

4. Moving Forward: Go Against the Grain.

Surveys show that you will almost never find someone on Tinder that’s 30 years or older. This proves that the trend of using social media for one-night stands is only really relevant to our age group. Of course, other factors play in and maybe we will see the continued use of Tinder as the current users get older.

Don’t forget, Tinder can’t take all the blame for this cultural norm. It wouldn’t work if no one in our society took part in it. But, you can resist this unhealthy and demeaning norm and choose to find and build healthy relationships elsewhere.

If you’re committed to finding a meaningful and healthy relationship, you’re most likely not going to find it on Tinder. From the potential for lower self-esteem and the continuation of a sex-first culture, who would want to? Know your worth and avoid Tinder.

RESOURCES:

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/aug/16/tinder-app-creating-dating-apocalypse-twitter-storm